He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
