I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
