I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
