i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
