So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I need water and some morals
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
