I wish I could punch you in the face.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize