Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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