Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Bring me that man meat
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
