My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize