i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
