One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
