When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
