i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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