im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
