dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize