I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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