So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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