Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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