I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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