Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
