Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
