her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
