somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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