Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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