i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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