after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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