Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
