i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
