She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
