I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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