Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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