I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize