found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
