I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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