So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
