I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
bring money and cleavage
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
