think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
