Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This is classic penis vs brain.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
