sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
