i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
