Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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