There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
