i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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