his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
