I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
