so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
