A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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