We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
