Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
