his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize