That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
