i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
