is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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