i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
