Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
