Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just cropdusted the office
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize