I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
