so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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