Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
