Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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