Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
