Little spoons don't ask big questions
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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