Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize