Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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