apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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