it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
