I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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