i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
