if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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