oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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