ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
