Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
